“Ssshh, I’ve a secret,” says June. “I like you,” she whispers in to my ear.
Grant, June and I play this little recreation in the home the place we sneak up in our ears and say “Ssshh, I’ve a secret.” It at all times will get us laughing as a result of it tickles, and it’s essentially the most lovely factor when June makes use of it as a technique to say “I like you.”
On the day this photograph was taken, June stated “Ssshh, I’ve a secret…. two!”
We’ve been conserving a secret, an enormous, huge secret.
We predict a child boy quickly by way of a surrogate!
I’ve been bursting on the seams to share this information with you all, however for what I hope are apparent causes, we selected to maintain this on the DL till he was born. Outdoors of privateness issues, I believe one of many greatest causes we have been ready to share this information is as a result of I’m very a lot nonetheless within the strategy of my endometriosis and adenomyosis journey. I nonetheless wouldn’t have the entire solutions and whereas I need to share the place we’re with our being pregnant and surrogacy, I additionally felt bizarre not totally having a “button” alone bodily and well being stuff.
Does that make sense?
I assumed that possibly it could be useful to share a little bit of a timeline to catch you guys on top of things on all issues surrogacy. I’m actually smiling as I kind this I’m so excited to lastly share this information!!!
Okay, so right here we go…
February 2020: IVF
As you might already know, Grant and I selected to do IVF to freeze embryos again in February 2020. Gosh we have been so fortunate wanting again. We did this RIGHT BEFORE Covid hit.
It was throughout this course of I used to be informed by my physician that I had adenomyosis. Whereas she was not capable of totally diagnose me, which requires surgical procedure, she was most assured along with her declaration. I noticed a number of docs after this to get affirmation. I additionally started to in a short time put the dots collectively about my signs and the way they matched up with not solely adenomyosis, however endometriosis too. A health care provider shortly after this informed me I had each endometriosis and adenomyosis.
In the course of the switch we received 4 embryos. We didn’t discover out the intercourse. We had zero intention on the time of utilizing a surrogate. We selected to freeze embryos as a result of I used to be 38 on the time and was nervous that by the point we wrapped our minds round having one other child, I’d be in my 40s. I wished to do IVF as an insurance coverage plan to getting pregnant in my 40s.
March 2020 – December 2020: A Entire Lotta Nothing
Covid-19. All talks of getting a child have been on maintain. Grant and I have been getting our ft moist as dad and mom. June was just one yr outdated and we truthfully by no means actually talked a lot about one other child. We have been simply making an attempt to outlive like everybody. I used to be battling by terrible endometriosis and adenomyosis signs and with little or no docs taking appointments throughout this time, it made it more difficult to seek out solutions.
February 2021: Discovering an Company
Covid slowly however absolutely began to carry somewhat bit. And after lastly having a number of docs and specialists recommendation me that I wanted to simply accept that I had secondary infertility. Secondary infertility can imply that you just both can not conceive and/OR you can not carry a child to time period after beforehand giving start. I can not carry a child to time period. The explanations for this are each my endometriosis/adenomyosis AND postpartum despair points.
Grant and I assumed we have been perform a little little bit of analysis on surrogacy. My brother and his husband used a surrogate for our nephew, Finn, so I knew loads in regards to the course of. However we wished to essentially do our personal wanting round and arrange a number of consultations. We ended up assembly with a boutique company in California {that a} very expensive good friend of mine had used for her youngsters. I totally belief her and he or she spoke extremely of the corporate.
(For privateness causes I cannot be sharing what company we used. I additionally is not going to be sharing how a lot it price. In case you are excited by surrogacy, please use exterior assets to be taught extra in regards to the specifics.)
On our session name we have been informed that it might take anyplace from 6 months to a yr and even two to discover a match. So, they advised we put a deposit down and get on the record. It doesn’t harm to simply get on this record! You’ll be able to at all times again out.
So, we did.
Could 2020: Feelings
Though we had logistically signed as much as be on the roster for surrogacy, I had not emotionally accepted that this was going to be my actuality for a second baby. Night time after night time I stayed up with Grant, crying on the sofa about “what if” situations. I had a very troublesome time accepting the truth that my physique wouldn’t be capable to carry one other child. The messages of outdoor noise, making an attempt to assist by providing assets, articles, tales from their circles of pals, solely made issues really feel worse for me. The battle with what I felt versus what I knew was a thunderstorm of inner feelings.
I’d go to yoga class and silently cry throughout shavasana. “Why couldn’t my physique do what it was made to do?” I threw pity social gathering after pity social gathering. I even received offended at my physique and drank night time after night time. Screw it! I’d eat pizza, stuff my face with donuts. It simply felt like if nothing I might do made a distinction, then who cared.
As soon as I used to be lastly capable of settle for that I used to be actually grieving and that this wasn’t simply one thing I might analysis or work my means out of, I used to be capable of begin to heal. And by “heal” I don’t imply overcome. I imply I used to be capable of settle for that this was part of who I used to be. My story, whereas it’s positively distinctive, shouldn’t be unusual. Understanding that there have been different girls on the planet who had gone by precisely what I used to be experiencing made me really feel loads much less alone. I began reaching out to them. I began asking round and looking for individuals to speak to on the cellphone about their expertise. This helped me tremendously.
After a couple of month of actually battling by whether or not or not Grant and I wished to undergo this course of to have one other child, we determined to maneuver ahead emotionally.
August 2021: A Match!
At some point I used to be working in my workplace once I obtained a random e-mail from our company. “Potential Surrogate.” I instantly froze. It was precisely 6 months later and felt very fast. I additionally had zero expectations for this e-mail on this actual day. A rush of butterflies rushed by my coronary heart which gave me the reply I wanted that we have been on the proper path.
I opened up the e-mail, smiling from ear to ear. I took a deep breath and referred to as Grant.
The company despatched us a profile report in regards to the surrogate, her household, her background, and so forth… We have been extremely thrilled to be taught that she lived in the identical metropolis that we did which could be very uncommon to seek out – a diamond within the tough!
September 2021: Assembly our Surrogate
We arrange a Zoom name to satisfy with the surrogate and her husband. To be sincere, we have been sort of dragging our ft within the scheduling course of as a result of all of it felt prefer it was taking place so quick. Grant and I have been so nervous however we informed ourselves that we might simply “really feel it out.” No stress!
The second we hung up the cellphone we each checked out one another smiling and joking “Oh mannnn we’re in it now!”
The surrogate and her husband have been so wonderful. They’re enjoyable, humorous, caught on to all of Grant’s dry humor, and most of all they actually appeared to care about who they have been being matched up with.
October 2021: Contracts Signed
Insert an entire lot of not enjoyable stuff about attorneys, cash, paperwork proper right here.
November 2021: Switch Day
Once more, we have been actually fortunate with the timing on every thing with this surrogacy. With menstral cycles, and so forth. and so forth. it simply all labored out and occurred so rapidly!
Do you guys bear in mind once I went to NYC and I ended up in pressing care? I’m sort of laughing about it now and I’m so rattling glad I can lastly share this story. That was on our switch day!
To begin with, watching your embryo get transferred is such a COOL expertise. We have been so fortunate to have the ability to attend the appointment {Covid restrictions have been simply lifting}. Your entire room grew very quiet whereas the physician fastidiously positioned our embryo precisely the place she wished it. “Okkkkkk,” she stated “There’s it.”
Grant naturally made a joke within the warmth of the second, “Properly, that was loads much less enjoyable than the primary time.” Your entire room erupted in to laughter.
It was a fairly fast process after which we have been left to attend (tick tock). It was so onerous to attend!!!!!!
I had an early flight scheduled to go off to NYC for marketplace for the brand new retailer we’re opening within the fall. I couldn’t miss this work journey and (in fact) it simply so occurred to fall on the date of our switch. I wakened the morning of the switch and went to yoga at 6:30am. Then I went to the switch and from there I went straight from the docs workplace to the airport and flew to NY. I believe I used to be fully overwhelmed and totally exhausted. I positively had some form of hormonal imbalance taking place that may be a quite common facet impact for me with my endometriosis/adenomyosis. After I get overstressed, my hormones have no idea find out how to steadiness themselves so it could result in me getting very sick.
January 2022: The Intercourse
As a result of we didn’t know the intercourse of our embryos, we informed the physician to choose the “strongest.” We have been in Aspen after we received the cellphone name and I put her on speaker. Grant and I have been totally satisfied that we have been having one other woman. Like, complete heartedly had already started considering of names.
It’s a BOY!
I laughed, cried, hugged Grant. Pleasure continued to construct.
January – July 2022: Being pregnant
Over the past 6 months there have been many docs visits and catching up with our surrogate. We completely adore her. She’s really easy going and good. I textual content along with her about as soon as per week and we’ve tried to get collectively as a lot as we will between her youngsters and our schedules. I used to be capable of attend a lot of the docs appointments, particularly the “greater” ones.
Whereas the being pregnant expertise was very profitable and optimistic, I’ll admit there have been moments of difficultly for me now and again. If this had been my first being pregnant I actually suppose it could have been a lot tougher, not figuring out what the method is like.
We’re so blessed.
My nervousness ranges are a lot decrease than what they have been once I was pregnant with June. Fortunately, I used to be capable of breathe by the sticky components of my thoughts on tougher days. Ideas of paranoia would attempt to creep in, however I simply needed to have religion. After I targeted on how a lot optimistic was popping out of this expertise it was onerous to let my thoughts go anyplace unfavorable. I walked again by images from my first being pregnant. Grant and I talked by how troublesome that was for me. We even have June, the best present of all, as a every day reminder on what’s in retailer for us.
July 2022: Supply Date
As I sit right here typing, it’s July tenth and we’re 5 days away from welcoming our son in to the world. I really feel a bit superstitious typing this. I don’t have the flutters, kicks and every day reminders of a rising stomach to inform me that’s wholesome and doing okay. Is he okay? I textual content my surrogate and she is going to inform me that she feels him kicking. All is okay, she reassures me.
Lower than a yr in the past, I didn’t know this lady, and now I sit right here texting her as if I’m texting my son who I’ve by no means met to verify in on how he’s feeling. Her voice is the voice that my child has heard on daily basis for the final 9 months. The meals she’s eaten, he has ingested. The feelings that she has carried have been imprinted on my baby. It’s her womb that has develop into his house. How might I not really feel unhappy. But how do I even start to thank her for offering me with probably the most stunning, life-changing experiences I’ll ever be privileged sufficient to be part of?
Surrogacy is an possibility that I by no means thought I’d take into account. After I was somewhat woman, I by no means had goals of “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes one other lady carrying my child.” This selection comes a lot, a lot later after each single possibility has been exhausted. It comes after each realization that you don’t have any different selection has left you gutted and drained each emotionally and bodily.
This journey, whereas it is vitally a lot about me, shouldn’t be about me in any respect. It’s about our son and the way we introduced him into this world with the assistance from probably the most unbelievable human beings I’ve ever identified. Whenever you develop into a mom, you might be immediately given some form of additional superpower that irrespective of how troublesome one thing could also be so that you can do, you discover the energy, the willpower, and the like to do it to your youngsters. There’s actually nothing that I’d not do for my two youngsters.