This story was produced in partnership with the Pulitzer Middle.
Taipei, Taiwan – The evening was as soon as Ted’s* biggest enemy.
For months, after fleeing to Taiwan from the entrance traces of the Hong Kong protests, Ted was haunted by a recurring nightmare. He dreamed that he was trapped inside a glowing ring. Beside him, his fellow protesters have been being crushed, tortured and raped by the police, however he was unable to maneuver. Unable to assist, he may solely watch.
Ted would get up yelling from his little bunk mattress in Taipei, and discover himself coated in a chilly sweat; alone and protected.
The 22 yr previous is amongst roughly 200 individuals the Taiwan Affiliation for Human Rights estimates have fled Hong Kong for the island after taking part within the pro-democracy protests, which started in June final yr amid mass opposition to a invoice that may have allowed suspects to be despatched to mainland China for trial.
Fearing lawsuits and political prosecution, lots of the exiles – principally of their teenagers or early 20s – left in a rush. However whereas they’re supported by a community of legal professionals, civil society organisations and donors who need to assist them construct a brand new life, the psychological wounds from months of protests – a few of which turned violent – are nonetheless contemporary.
“The guilt of leaving the motion and their family members behind additionally lingers in lots of protesters’ minds,” mentioned Wu Cheng, Government Director and Spokesperson of Taiwanese Civil Assist to HKers (TAHK), an NGO offering help to individuals from Hong Kong who’ve left town due to the political disaster.
Nightmares, flashbacks, PTSD
Ted fled the territory in July final yr, after he and a gaggle of protesters armed with sticks and metallic railings stormed and defaced town’s legislature.
It was shortly after thousands and thousands had marched in opposition to the now-withdrawn extradition invoice however with peaceable demonstrations failing to immediate concessions from the federal government, Ted and his fellow protesters felt they’d no selection however to take extra radical motion.
That evening, because the small group escaped the constructing, Ted was hit by two bean bag rounds. He went again dwelling bleeding from his foot and was involved to find his picture was everywhere in the media.
Every week later he boarded a flight to Taiwan. Quickly after, the police raided his residence.
For months, whereas Ted has lived, bodily, in Taipei, his spirit has roamed Hong Kong’s parallel time and area. He typically stares with concern at hours-long reside broadcasts from the territory on his cellphone, with the scenes replaying repeatedly in his head.
He additionally has flashbacks of the times he spent on the entrance line – the sound of metallic railings scratching on the bottom, the lengthy summer time nights that stretched into early mornings and sleeping on the streets. The burning ache on his pores and skin when he runs via the streets; the air thick and white with tear fuel.
Sleep eludes him. When he does go to sleep, he sees his pals disappearing one after the other in his goals. “My roommate says I shiver lots in my sleep,” he mentioned. “Typically I bounce up from my mattress, screaming.”
In November 2019, after seven straight days with out sleep, Ted fainted. He had been following the extreme confrontations in the course of the siege of the Hong Kong Polytechnic College. Hundreds have been trapped on campus after the police sealed off all escape routes. Lots of have been injured and arrested.
Ted was pressured to see a psychologist and was identified with extreme post-traumatic stress dysfunction (PTSD).
“The explanation I went to the entrance line within the first place was as a result of I needed to guard the individuals behind,” he mentioned. “However if you see individuals youthful than you struggling, those that you might be supposed to guard, however you might be away and protected, this for me, was the best ache.”
A psychological well being disaster
In January this yr, a examine by researchers on the College of Hong Kong discovered that just about one-third of adults within the metropolis skilled signs of PTSD, and about one in 10 confirmed signs of despair.
Gabriel Leung, the dean of HKU’s school of medication and an professional in public well being, who co-led the analysis, says the figures are similar to these seen in areas of large-scale disasters, armed battle or terrorist assaults. “Hong Kong is under-resourced to cope with this extra psychological well being burden,” he warned.
For the exiles, their each day lives have been uprooted and turned on their heads. Confronted with monetary insecurities, uncertainties of visa standing, and the potential for by no means returning dwelling, many are struggling.
“PTSD is quite common amongst younger protesters who fled to Taiwan,” Wu added. “Some discover themselves at all times anxious. Some assume it should be the police coming after they hear footsteps at evening. And plenty of refuse to hunt skilled assist as a result of they worry that medical data would leak to pro-China events.”
A sweeping safety legislation that Beijing imposed on Hong Kong this summer time has led to a brand new wave of exits. Some have been caught fleeing, together with 12 who have been intercepted by the Chinese language coast guard on a speedboat heading in the direction of Taiwan, and have been imprisoned in a mainland jail for greater than 100 days.
Ted finds all of it painful to observe however appears like he has to.
“There isn’t any purpose for me to keep away from bearing witness,” he mentioned. “I’ve already run away. That is an inevitable ache, a ache that I have to endure.”
This July, after dwelling from one extension of his three-month vacationer visa to the following for greater than a yr, Ted lastly obtained residency rights in Taiwan by enrolling in an area college. He was a science main again in Hong Kong, however now he has chosen to review politics.
“It sounds so naive actually,” he chuckled. “However I needed to gear up myself. In order that when Hong Kong wants me, I can step ahead and assist.”
Classes from the previous
Ted now spends his free time studying about Taiwan’s historical past. He travels to completely different components of the island on a scooter he not too long ago purchased, and visits museums, former residences of dissidents and websites that have been as soon as used to detain political prisoners.
He has met many individuals who had relations imprisoned, killed or silenced beneath the Kuomintang’s one-party rule. Throughout that point, now referred to as Taiwan’s White Terror interval, individuals, particularly dissidents, have been typically disappeared and by no means heard from once more.
Martial legislation was not lifted on the island till 1987, and it took one other 30 years earlier than Taiwan began on the lookout for the reality of its darkish previous. Ted feels it is going to be the identical for Hong Kong. “Hong Kong continues to be affected by ache,” he mentioned. “However in the future, possibly 30 or 40 years from now, we may even want experiences in transitional justice. I must study it now.”
In October, he helped organise an illustration in Taiwan calling for assist for Hong Kong. He additionally began to take part in native social actions on gender equality and combating pressured eviction.
The nightmares and flashbacks which have haunted Ted at the moment are easing, He stopped going to the medical doctors a number of months in the past as a result of he doesn’t need to rely an excessive amount of on remedy.
“Being busy distracts myself. After discovering a brand new purpose, I’ve additionally discovered my anchor.”
For Ted, therapeutic is a lifelong course of.
Dwelling with trauma, he says, is like dwelling with a thorn in his coronary heart. Days and years would possibly cross, however it doesn’t imply that he has stopped caring about Hong Kong.
“It’s like there may be this indelible wound, however you’ll be able to solely study to just accept it and reside with it,” he mentioned. “I feel all Hong Kong individuals now reside with this trauma.”
* A pseudonym has been used to guard Ted’s identification.